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So you can get some work done!
Getting kids to play on their own can be so difficult! It seems like every time you need to make and important phone call, write an urgent email or even finish unloading the dishwasher, they want all of your attention right now! This can be extremely frustrating when you’re just trying to get something done, but there are ways that you can teach your kids to play on their own.
Every Child is Different
Some kids will naturally need more of your time while others are happy enough in their own company…(I have one of each!)
My oldest child has always been happy to play on his own, but my youngest is usually found hanging off my leg or following me around like a shadow!
Every child has their own unique needs so it may take some children longer to feel confident enough to venture out on their own. As long as you give them the fundamental tools, they will gain confidence over time and begin to learn to play by themselves.
Individual Play is An Important Skill
Solo playtime has so many benefits to a child’s development such as:
- Building confidence
- Increasing their focus and imagination
- Social independence
- Encouraging downtime and calmness
- Learning to self-soothe
- Not having to rely on others for entertainment and happiness
So not only does a child playing on their own give you a break, it is also a great skill for them to learn.
So how do you actually make this work?
Firstly, we go back to the basics of what every child emotionally needs:
- Love and connection
- To feel safe and secure
- To feel important and understood
- A sense of belonging
For a child to have the confidence to spend time on their own, all the above needs must be met.
You get out what you put in
You need to give the child your time before you leave them to play on their own. Like most things, it’s give and take. You can’t expect your child to leave you alone if you haven’t spent any time being present with them.
Put down your phone, close your laptop and forget about the washing, your child needs your undivided attention!
Showering them with genuine love and encouragement will really help to fill their emotional bucket! By giving your child some of your time you are attending to their needs of connection. It doesn’t have to been a long time, but it has to be a meaningful time.
Quality over Quantity!
Let the kids lead the way
By letting them choose how they want to spend this special time with you, you are making them feel important. Like everyone, kids want to feel heard and that their ideas are valid. So just go with it! Give them the floor for 10, 15, 20 minutes or whatever you can spare and let them choose whatever activity they want. It’s really interesting to see what kids will choose. Most times it’s the simplest things but it can really be so important to them.
(If they cant think of anything to do, I’ve got a list of fun activity suggestions right here!)
Set up a quiet activity that they can do independently
Now it’s time to start edging away. Keep them going with the game they created or start them off with an activity that they love, eg. drawing or building blocks. You should be able to leave them to it for a while. All their emotional needs are met, they’ve had some special with you and they now have something to keep them busy.
What to do if your child still doesn’t want to leave you?
It’s a skill, and skills take time to learn. At the start you might not get much alone time, but keep at it! Try scaling up your time away slowly. Start with 5 mins, then increase to 10 mins, then 15 and find what time that works for you and your child. Like I said before, every child is different, so some children will always need more attention than others, but it’s all learning and it does get easier over time.
Enjoy the time with your child
I know it’s frustrating when you’ve got a million things to do and the kids wont leave you alone, but spending this time with your child is so important for them and for your relationship. Try to change your perspective from something you have to do, to something you get to do! Find gratitude in the time spent with your children and teach them a fundamental skill at the same time!